From devout Christian to cocky Atheist and Back

An interesting and rare story, and it is mine.
A bit more than three years ago I became very interested in the heated web debate between Atheists and Christians. Atheism was a hotter topic online, and in general, then as "The God Delusion" and "God is not Great" were released around that time. I, at the time a devout Episcopalian, did much searching, reading, and thinking and ultimately came to the conclusion that Theism did not make sense. To a limited extent, I felt that religion, as many atheists put it, was a disease.
I held these beliefs for about two years. Where before I fiercely defended my beliefs as a Christian, I was at this point that cocky, arrogant, smart alec Atheist who, in a most domineering way, is always pushing their beliefs on everybody he or she knows. These kind of people, and I was one, feel that some urgency in the global religious (specifically Christian) situation exists, and promote their ideas with conviction not only because they feel obligated to do so due to this imaginary urgency, but also as a matter of defense from the harshness of Christians who do not approve... most of whom are probably "Holiday Church Goers" at any rate. I don't know where this kind of rash thinking originated, but the only source for it which I can see is from seeing it in others. That is, this mindset fuels itself in a circular fashion from person to person. Almost like a cell, this way of thinking cannot spontaneously generate, instead it comes from existing promotion of these thoughts by others.
About a year ago, after two years of being that kind of person, I began to do some deeper thinking. I began to think about how I felt about religion before, about how I felt about God, how I felt about Church, how I felt about the Bible, how I felt the principals of Christianity. For this, I softened up a bit. Then one day, I found myself thinking about the obligation of Christians to worship God... this is something I've always had a hard time with and was the primary factor in my becoming an atheist... while thinking about this, something triggered a correlation in my mind which I'd, to my amazement to this day, not seen before. I thought about the gratitude a person feels when someone saves our helps to save their financial state, their house, their front lawn, their car, their children, their life. I thought about the obligation that a person feels to make it up to them.
Weather we like it or not, the existence of a god is a possibility. If a god does exist, this entity has made everything possible for us; without their creating us, we would have no love, no leisure, no aspiration, no hope, no interest, no enjoyment. Not only would we have nothing, but we would also be nothing. If no God exists and everything here does exist, then we owe to chance... and there's no sense in paying our gratitude to chance. But if God is responsible, then we owe him everything, regardless of weather he asks us or not. At this point I was a Christian again... a true 'born again' in my opinion.
I'm still not 100% 'with' the idea that all of the Bible is the word of God, I think of God more as a parent figure, and if we make relevant correlations between what the Bible says and what Parents say... well, you can think about it and I'm sure you'll see what I mean. I think that pretty much explains what 'hell' is for me. But keep in mind, parents don't like to admit to their children that they're wrong, however they still do exaggerate, fib, even lie to them. While if I were to say the same about God, many would respond that God is great, God is good, Lying is a sin and he would never do such... but when parents do exaggerate, fib, even lie, it is always for the better of the child, it is always by their (the parents') judgment the good, the right thing to do, and it's purpose will be understood after childhood. A parent won't fess up to this before then and, in my experience, parents and their children are in an agreement, conscious or sub-conscious, that Mommy and Daddy are always right. I believe that God is the same way and this is for our own good. We are all still kids in this spiritual spectrum and what we question today we will fully understand later when we are in a different position, when we are no longer the ignorant children we ALL are today. Understand this does not mean I believe God is lying about what he wants us to do, about we what he expects of us... what parent does that? Correlations between one thing understandable and another incomprehensible are useful tools, but ONLY when they are absolutely complete, equal, and relevant.
To the question "Do you believe in God?" that my honest answer still would be "No" is with great regret, however I cannot force myself to believe something, I cannot decide what I believe. Know that it is possible to be an Atheist, an Agnostic, and a Christian all at once. I'm the only one I know of, and in a way, I hope there are others like me out there.

More Second Presbyterian Church photos

Here are some more pictures from Second Presbyterian in Indianapolis

Here's the couplers and music stand

Right stop jam: (left to Right) Great division, Choir division, Positiv division

Me making a rather goofy face at the four manual console.

At Second Presbyterian in Indianapolis

The Aeolian-Skinner Pipe Organ at the Second Presbyterian Church of Indianapolis, Indiana

Today I played the 86 rank, Aeolian-Skinner pipe organ at the Second Presbyterian Church in Indianapolis, built in 1969. This organ features Great, Positiv, Choir, Swell, Chancel, and Pedal divisions.

The pedal is phenomenal, with three 16' reeds, a real 10 2/3' Gross Quinte, two full length 32' stops (Bourden and Posaune), and much more!

The swell has great reeds: 16' Bombarde, 8' Hautbois, 8' Trompette, 4' Clarion, all fantastic, I wasn't particularly fond of the strings, or principals, I thought the principals were a bit thin, the strings had the kind of chiff you'd want in a principal, with the tremolo and sub couplers, and the 32's bourden, with boxes closed, they sounded quite nice though.

The chancel division serves it's purpose of backing hymns quite well.

The great division is quite nice, I would like to see more fullness in the Flue stops, the mixtures dominate too much in this organ. It is topped of with some great chamades, not the loudest chamades I've played, but they have a bright sound to them, and they are of sufficient volume to be hear over half of the organ, but can still be used in chorus, the chamades were at the perfect volume for an organ this size, and voiced wonderfully I thought!

The choir was alright, the cromorne was voiced in a strange neo-classic fashion, and was quite funny to hear with the tremolo!

The positiv division was nice, the ranket had sort of strange neo-classical voicing to it, like the cromorne, but it works great as a chorus reed.

Over all it was a good organ, and LOUD!

Christ Church Cathedral

Arguably the smallest Episcopal Cathedral I've ever seen, Christ Church Cathedral in dowtown Indianapolis is home to two large pipe organs, a 70 rank French styled organ by Hellmuth Wolf in the Chancel, and a 53 rank Baroque styled instrument by Taylor and Boody in the gallery. I will be playing both of these organs this week.

Cool Monument in Indiana

This is the American Civil War Monument in Indianapolis, Indiana. It puts the Bloomsburg monument to shame; believe me, it is much bigger than it looks in these photos.

Back to Knoebel's Groves!

Well, we went to Knoebel's groves today, I think it's a fantastic amusement part. It's one of a kind in that it has such a different feel from other amusement parks; the creak winding through the park, the covered bridge going over it, the train ride that goes through the wood work of the Twister roller coaster (the only wooden roller coaster I've seen that goes sideways!), of course the wooden roller coasters are wonderful, both thrilling to ride, and they add to the old-timey feel of the park in general. The antique carousels with their Wurlitzer band organs, the colorful Ferris Wheel, the trees that fill the park, growing above the rides, all around the concession areas and restaurants, and sometimes, nearly in the middle of the windy paths through the park, all add to the park's disposition, if you will. The antique cars that ride right under the Phoenix roller coaster (rated as one of the great wooden roller coasters in the country), the wonderful haunted house (also rated as one of the best in the country), the funnel cakes, kettle corn, and perogies, the impressive pizza place (Cesars? I believe) with it's Greek pillars and style; the whole park is really quite nice. Plus the admission is FREE so that's a plus too!
Today, I had quite a bit of fun. While I'm not one for the crazy rides, my brother Riley is! I don't know how he got on some of those contraptions, not nervous at all, not a second thought, and loved it the whole way through, I felt sick just watching. I ended up riding allot rides with my 6 year old sister. However we all went on the tee-cups together, and just after that we all enjoyed the 'Cosmotron' together. My mother and two youngest siblings road the log flume and we got a hilarious photo of their reaction to the drop! Riley seems to be loving it while Maeve looks absolutely terrified! I can recall hearing really screaming in delight as they dropped!
The highlight of any trip to Knoebel's is riding the Phoenex of course. I don't understand why I'm afraid to get on so many crazy non-roller coaster rides, but I have no problem with coasters. The Phoenex never gets old, and I enjoyed it just as always! I don't think you can get that much air on a wooden roller coaster many other places!
It was a fun day, we're going again in late August for a picnic, maybe then I'll get pictures and video.

School is coming to an end

Well, yesterday I finished my last Final Exam! Woohoo! There are three days left of school, and I guess we're just going to be sitting around, wondering 'Why are we here?!'. They don't have anything scheduled for us. On Tuesday, as the High School has a half day, but the middle school does not, my friends and I are going down to Mrs. Sirota's room in the Middle School for a visit, and to eat lunch with her, as we did everyday in 8th grade. All I can say is I am so excited for summer, because summer=no math homework+more organ practice+big trips to Boston and Indianapolis+my second organ recital. So I am so excited!!!!